Something that is rarely overheard being said by a new associate at a big firm is the word No. Everyone tells you that in order to survive at a big firm and maintain your sanity, you need to be able to say no to the occasional partner/senior associate/giver of work. When I first started, I attended an entire training session on saying no. It was lead by one of the senior associates in my office, we’ll call him Carolina Boy, and he told some horror stories about how he first started, never said no, and worked ridiculous hours. After the training session, he took me aside and said, “Jersey, I could easily see this happen to you because you are so nice. You have to learn how to say no.”
Now, I am not so good at saying no to things. Another piece of cake? Sure, sounds great. One more beer before last call? Absolutely. You need help moving? Just tell me what time the truck is coming. Oh you haven’t packed? No problem, I will be right there. You need a ride to/from the airport? I’m in.
The list goes on and on. I just don’t say no very often. I overextend myself till I just about drop from exhaustion and something always seems to bail me out. Or I just stay up super late/give up something I actually want to do to honor all my commitments.
As the lowly second year associate (thanks, Clerking for the bump up!), pretty much everyone at the Big Firm can give me work. And when you have ten partners and three senior associates circling you like sharks waiting to give you work, the to-do list grows rather quickly. But I am willing to work hard so I haven’t really turned down many assignments. I have tried twice and failed miserably both times.
The first time was about two months. Ironically enough, the giver of the work was Carolina Boy. He stopped by my office under the guise of checking on me.
CB: “How are you doing, Jersey?”
me: “Eh, hanging in. Bit swamped right now actually.”
CB: “Oh, really? That’s not good.”
me: “It is okay, just having a rough moment right this second.”
CB: “Can you [insert boring and rather time consuming research assignment] for me by [insert ridiculously short turnaround]?
As an aside, in the hierarchy of who you can say no to: Senior Associate is below Non-Equity Partner who is below Equity Partner who is below Managing Partner. So if I was going to turn down work, this was the work to turn down.
me: “Um…honestly, I am feeling rather overwhelmed right now…” To highlight the point, I take the scarf I’ve been wearing around my neck and turn it into a noose and pretend to hang myself. CB is not daunted.
CB: “This won’t take that long. Thanks!”
CB exits and I left wondering why he didn’t take the faux suicide attempt as a clue that maybe now was not the time to give me more work.
And that’s when I realized that the real lesson being told to new associates is not that you have to say no sometimes. It’s really that you have to say no sometimes…but just not to me.
